ONE DAY A MAN NAMED JOHNY APPROACHED A LOCAL BAR.
HE HAD DECIDED HE WANTED TO CONSUME LARGE QUANTITYS OF ALCOHOLINC SUBSTANCES. HE PROCEEDED INTO THE ENTRANCE OF THE LOCAL BAR, AND SAT DOWN UPON A RED BAR STOOL. HE THEN PROCEEDED IN DEMANDING THE BARTENDER TO SERVE HIM ALCOHOL. AFTER BEING DENYED HIS ALCOHOL DUE TO HIS LACK OF FUNDS, HE THEN PROCEEDED TO JUMP OFF HIS BARSTOOL, AND DO THE CHICKEN DANCE. LITTLE DID HE KNOW OF THE DIRE CONSEQUENCES THIS VERY DANCE WOULD INFLICT UPON THE WORLD. AS HE NEARED THE FINAL STAGES OF HIS INSANE CHICKEN DANCE, THE BARTENDER EXPLODED, WHICH CAUSED MEL GIBSON TO ENTER THE BAR WITH AN AK-47 DEMANDING HOMO-SEXUAL MONKEYS. WHEN HE WAS DENYED HIS EROTIC MONKEYS, HE THEN PROCEEDED TO SHOOT THE GROUND, OPENING A SECOND HELLISH DEMENTION WHERE DUCKS WERE SUPREME RULERS OF THE EARTH, ENSLAVING HUMANS OF THIER WORLD AND FORCING THEM TO WEAR SHINY PANTS. WHEN THE PORTAL WAS OPENED, THE DUCKS ENTERED THE BAR AND DEMANDED TEQUILLA. AFTER RELIZING THAT THE BARTENDER WAS INCAPACITATED, THEY PROCEEDED IN ANIHILATING THE LOCAL BAR. AFTER ANIHILATING THE LOCAL BAR, THEY PROCEEDED TO MARCH TO WASHINGTON D.C. TO AQUIRE GEORGE W. BUSHES SOCKS. JOHNY, SHOCKED, REALIZED THE ATROCITY HE INFLICTED UPON THE WORLD. HE REALIZED THAT HE MUST STOP THE DUCKS BEFORE THEY FORCE MANKIND TO WEAR SHINY PANTS. HE FOLLOWED THE TRAIL OF THE DUCKS, BUT LITTLE DID HE KNOW HE WOULD SOON CAUSE ANOTHER ATROCITY. AFTER FINALLY APPROACHING THE MANIACAL DUCKS OF THE SECOND DEMENTION OF HELL, HE TRIPPED UPON A ROCK. WHAT HE DID NOT KNOW, WAS THAT PARTICULAR ROCK WAS A SWITCH TO AN APOCALYPTIC METAL GIANT. THAT GIANT'S NAME WAS BETTY. THE DUCKS, HORRIFYED, FLEW TO THE NEAREST POND WHICH THEY THOUGHT WOULD RENDER AS A SANCTUARY. THEY WERE WRONG. AS THE GIANT APPROACHED THE POND, THE DUCKS REALIZED THEY COULD NOT RUN, NOR HIDE. THEY TOOK ARMS AGAINST BETTY, AND THOUGH THEY FOUGHT GALIANTLY, THIER BRAVERY WAS IN VAIN. THEY SUFFERED A TERRIBLE LOSS. DUE TO THIS LOSS, THE HUMANS OF THIER DEMENTION REBELED AND WERE FINALLY FREE OF THE CONDEMNED SHINY PANTS. REALIZING THE HORRORS HE HAD UNLEASHED UPON THE WORLD, JOHNY FLED TO A HOLE. BETTY SAW JOHNY'S COWARDICE, AND DECIDED TO ATEMPT TO SMITE HIM. JOHNY THOUGHT HE HAD BEEN SMART IN HIDING IN THIS PARTICULAR HOLE, BUT REALIZED SECONDS LATER IT WAS GOATSE. HORRIFYED, AND DISGUSTED, JOHNY FLED FROM GOATSE. BETTY, WHO THOUGHT JOHNY REMAINED INSIDE GOATSE, ANIHILATED GOATSE. GOD SAW THIS. HE KNEW THE PEOPLE OF EARTH NEEDED HIS HELP. GOD, WHO IS KNOWN TO US AS "PICONJO", ENTERED OUR WORLD. FURIOUS, HE TOOK OUT HIS PEN0R OF MASS DESTRUCTION AND SMITED BETTY THE EVIL APOCALYPTIC ROBOT OF DOOM. PICONJO KNEW OF JOHNY'S INSOLENCE. JOHNY, IN AWE OVER BEING IN THE PRESENCE OF LORD PICONJO, SOON REALIZED PICONJO HAD TURNED UPON HIM WITH FURY IN HIS EYES. PICONJO HAD WITNESSED WITH HIS ALL SEEING EYES JOHNY'S CHICKEN DANCE. HE PROCEEDED TO TURN JOHNY INTO A CHICKEN AS PUNISHMENT FOR HIS STUPIDITY. JOHNY, UPSET OVER BEING TURNED INTO A CHICKEN, COMMITED SUICIDE ON JULY 13TH, 2008. IT WAS A SAD DAY FOR ALL CHICKENS, AS THE CHICKENS MOURNED OVER YOUNG JOHNY'S DEATH, BOB DOLE REALIZED THE SHINY PANTS ENFORCING DUCKS OF THE SECOND DEMENTION OF HELL HAD NOT YET BEEN VANQUISHED. HE SINGLE HANDEDLY REBELED AGAINST THE MASSIVE ARMY OF DUCKS, SLAYING THOSE BASTARD COMMUNIST DUCKS. HE THEN USED HIS ULTAMATE POWER OF COMPLETE DESTRUCTION AND RESURECTED LIVECORPSE. LIVECORPSE, WHO WAS PLEASED WITH HIS SECOND CHANCE OF LIFE, LATER RAN FOR PRESIDENT. HE WON THE ELECTION BY A LANDSLIDE, AND PROCEEDED TO BE THE BEST PRESIDENT EVER. BUT THEN SUDDENLY EVERYTHING DIED BECAUSE THEY SUCKED.
THE END
KIDS LETS THIS BE A LESSON, DONT BE A JOHNY. JOHNYS DIE, YOU DON'T WANT TO DIE DO YOU?